Infertility is wearing us down. It is allowed to find this hard.

Yes. Infertility brings real grief, and most couples feel some mix of sadness, anger, guilt and envy along the way.

Each period can feel like a small loss. A friend's pregnancy news can bring joy and pain in the same minute. You may feel angry with your body, your partner, or God. The WHO lists emotional stress, depression, anxiety and low self-esteem among the effects of infertility, especially for women. Feeling this way does not mean you are coping badly. It means you want a child very much.

Because in many Indian families, childbearing is everyone's business, and the blame lands on the woman first.

'Any good news?' at every wedding. Advice from aunts, temple vows, a mother-in-law's silence. The WHO notes that women are often seen as the cause even when they are not. The facts say otherwise: a male factor is part of the reason in about half of couples who struggle to conceive. Testing both of you in the first round is not only good medicine. It takes the blame off one person.

No. Everyday stress does not cause infertility, and worry during treatment does not lower your chance of pregnancy.

'Just relax and it will happen' is one of the most hurtful things couples hear. It is also wrong. Infertility causes stress far more often than stress causes infertility. Very severe stress, or eating too little, can stop ovulation in some women, and that is a medical problem to check, not a character flaw. Being told to relax can delay tests for something treatable.

Plan the wait before it starts, and after a failed cycle, grieve first and decide on purpose.

The two-week wait is often the hardest part. Keep your normal routine; bed rest is not needed. Decide together who will be told the result, and when. Avoid early home tests, which often mislead. When a cycle fails, take the time you need. Then ask for a review of where the cycle stopped, because understanding what happened often helps more than reassurance. Time also matters in fertility, so do not let the decision drift.

Accept that you will cope differently, and share the load so it does not fall on one person.

One partner may want to talk; the other may go quiet or busy. That is a difference in coping, not in caring. Men are often told to 'be strong', which leaves them with nobody to talk to. Come to appointments together when you can. Share the injections, the scan timings and the family phone calls. Keep one evening a week that is not about fertility. Agree between you what to tell family, so neither of you is caught out.

When low mood, worry or sleeplessness last for weeks and get in the way of daily life, it is time to talk to someone trained.

Signs to watch for: no interest in things you used to enjoy, poor sleep or appetite for weeks, constant thoughts about infertility, pulling away from everyone, or feeling worthless. Talking to a counsellor is not a sign of weakness, and it is not a last resort. At Jananam, both of you can see our counsellor, at any stage, even before treatment starts. [CONFIRM: counsellor name, languages, how to book, fee policy] Outside the clinic, Tele-MANAS on 14416 is the Government of India's free mental health helpline, open 24 hours.